After the eventful (and hilarious) summer depicted in Swim the Fly, Cooper Redmond is back! He's got big plans for this, his sophomore year in high school: he figures that since he finally saw a naked lady (technically) over the summer, that now it's time to start (in his ridiculous parlance)... oh, hell, it's just not the same if I translate.
So here's a bit from Beat the Band:
"Whatever," Matt says. "Anyway, even if I was going to tell you—which I'm not—I have no idea what your definitions of the bases are. I'm sure they're probably incredibly sick and twisted."
I place my hand on my chest. "Hey, when it comes to the bases I happen to be a purist. First is Frenching. Second is fondling the floppers. Third is rummaging in the basement. Home run is all the way."
"I thought third was oral," Sean says.
"No, that's choking up on the bat," I say. "And then of course there's the conference on the mound. The knuckleball. A doubleheader. Extra innings. A grand slam. And, of course, the triple play." I waggle my eyebrows at my friends. "Which also happens to be in my plans for this year."
The object of Coop's desire is the gorgeous Prudence Nash, but then DISASTER STRIKES! He is paired with Hot-Dog Helen Harriwick for a group project in Health class: and spending so much time with the school's social leper is sure to affect his chances at lurrrve with anyone, let alone the Queen Bee of his class. What's a guy to do??
To Coop, it's obvious: he needs to win Battle of the Bands. But first, he needs a band...
Good lord. I read at least half of this one out loud to Josh and it's probably a sad commentary on our maturity level, but the gaseous library scene (complete with BRAAAAAP!!-style sound effects) made both of us laugh until we almost cried.
Ultimately, reading it aloud was a bit of a mistake, because A) we were in the car and so I got all nauseous, and B) Josh has now introduced some Cooper-isms into his vernacular. AND, once he's done with the new Harry Dresden book, he's planning on going back to read Swim the Fly, which means he'll pick up EVEN MORE Cooper-isms. Sigh.
Anyway, Coop is a jackass, and very often does the complete wrong thing, but he's got a good heart, and is so open and honest about his occasionally assholic behavior that I find him irresistible. (And when you meet his father, it's TOTALLY CLEAR where the lion's share of his idiocy comes from. I say this as a huge fan of his father, btdubs.)
Highly recommended to anyone who likes hilariously raunchy male narrators.
Book source: ILLed through my library.