bookshelves of doom

More sewing.

I've been sewing like a champ -- and I'm all about Nancy Drew bags at the moment. 

Just added two to my Etsy shop that feature illustrations I rescued from a falling-apart copy of The Mystery at Lilac Inn:

I must return to River Heights.

Nancy Drew and the Secret of the 3 Black Robes

Password to Larkspur Lane: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #10 -- Carolyn Keene

Headlines from Nancy Drew #10:

Nancy Pushed! Almost Falls on Sidewalk!
Light Bulb Stolen!
Vicious Dog Attacks!
Random New Sidekick More Timid than Bess!  Hides in Car Trunk to Avoid Detective Work!
Department Store Chase!  Elevators Vs. Escalators!
Carson Buys Nancy a New Car!  Old One Had Dent!
Nancy Hides Under Bed!  Almost Sneezes!

Page One, and I was already at the WHAT?? stage:

The Drews' housekeeper and Nancy paused to look up at a passing airplane.  They were startled to hear its engines cut out.  As Nancy and Hannah watched in alarm, a wounded bird plummeted down and landed among the flowers.

"A homing pigeon!" Nancy exclaimed, seeing the tiny metal tube attached to its leg.  "Maybe the bird's carrying a message!"

"Plummeted down"?  Isn't that a little redundant?  Do things ever plummet in any other direction?  But that wasn't really what struck me about the passage -- it's that yet again, River Heights reminds me of Salem, the setting of Days of Our Lives.  (You know -- a tiny, three-cop town in which everyone knows everyone, yet it still somehow houses an international airport, a famous bone specialist and a flower show that stays open until after 9PM.)

The story continues:  Within hours of contacting the International Federation of American Homing Pigeon Fanciers (she knew the organization's name -- and possibly the phone number -- off the top of her head), Nancy witnesses what looks like the kidnapping of River Heights' 'famous bone specialist'.  Then she hears back from the Federation:

LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE WILL CALL.  BIRD NOT REGISTERED.  SUSPECT TROUBLE.  KEEP MESSAGE SECRET.

Dispatch from The Department of Who Knew?:  People from the Pigeon Fanciers Association have credentials.

More story:  Coincidentally, Hannah falls down the stairs, requiring a visit to the very same possibly kidnapped Famous Bone Specialist, who still hasn't returned home.  Nancy happens to answer his phone while they're waiting (because... that's what you do when you're waiting for a doctor... you answer his phone...), and the message JUST SO HAPPENS to sound a whole lot like the message attached to the homing pigeon's leg.  When the apparently un-kidnapped Famous Bone Specialist returns home, he tells Nancy that he needs help in solving a strange mystery, and that "there's nobody with whom I'd rather discuss it than you and your father".

On Carson:  What kind of lawyer is Carson Drew, anyway?  Wouldn't the books make more sense if he worked as a PI?  It turns out that the Famous Bone Specialist had been kidnapped, and that the woman he was brought in to treat was clearly there against her will -- rather than tell the police about it, he wants Carson Drew to handle it?  Ten books in, and I still don't get it.

He also continues to be useless when it comes to his only child's safety:  Nancy is accosted by a huge guy in a dark parking lot who tells her to tell her father to back off.  When she tells Carson about it, he says, "Some crank, I suppose."  Yes, Carson.  Because NOTHING in your world is EVER connected. 

If I ever drove like this with my father, he'd strangle me:

She increased her speed, widening the distance between the two cars, until she approached an intersection where there was a bright overhead light.  She swung around, her tires squealing on the asphalt, and stopped short, facing her pursuer.

Yeesh.  When it comes to concern for his child, give the man a fake tan, a wig and a flask and he could double for Dina Lohan.

More story:  Secondary mystery introduced by Helen Archer (nee Corning) -- her grandparents recently bought a place, but they're afraid of staying there because of "something queer that keeps happening".  Turns out that they're being haunted by a burning ring of fire. (Unfortunately, there is no June Carter cameo and no one falls in.  That might have helped.  This really wasn't one of the Syndicate's stronger offerings.) 

Shockingly, the two mysteries turn out to be connected.

Thoughts on sidekicks:

Poor little Johnny.  He only ever shows up when an accident is necessary for plot development.

Bess in a nutshell: "I don't know which is harder: to keep on a diet or keep in a secret."

I've realized that poor George just doesn't have much of a personality.  She's only really there to be stoic and carry the suitcases.  At least Bess gets to eat and whine.

New skills:  Nancy is familiar enough with avian anatomy to accurately check a pigeon for broken bones.  She also is impressively knowledgeable about homing pigeons in general.  She creates 'exquisite' prize-winning flower arrangements, can spot a fake telephone from across the room, knows how to drain the fuel from a plane and recognizes an Electric Fence of Death when she sees one.   (Oddly enough, what with all of the traveling they've done and all the time they've spent in rural areas, George the Tomboy has never seen an electric fence before and needs a full How It Works explanation.)  She also participates in an impromptu diving competition and proves to be so skilled that she's offered a camp counselor job on the spot.  (She declines, because she 'already has a job'.  Which is... what?  Has her amateur sleuthing become a career?)

Amazing saves:  Nancy saves a girl from being run over by a speedboat (but then never attempts to find out who was in the boat) and later saves Bess from rolling off a cliff into a bonfire by performing a flying tackle.  She also saves herself by climbing out of an old cistern.  (That was actually pretty impressive.)

The first time Nancy cracks a book on-screen?:  To figure out the mysterious message she found attached to the homing pigeon, she looks up information about delphinium, larkspur and bluebells.  The book doesn't help, though.  She cracks the code simply using the power of her huge brain -- while listening to her favorite music program on her clock radio, no less.

Enter the boys:  Burt Eddleton is George's "special friend".  He's described as husky and blond.  Bess' boy is Dave Evans, who is rangy and fair.  Nancy, of course, is paired with Ned Nickerson, who is -- of course -- tall and handsome. 

8 pages later:  BREAKING NEWS:  Ned Nickerson is not just a pretty face!  He's also a chemistry expert!

More physical characteristics for villain-spotting:  If you're looking at a woman, and she's "large and hard-faced", she's a bad 'un. 

Suspicious habits:  Strutting around, cracking a whip.  Harsh laughs.  Heavy breathers are bad news.  They clearly don't believe in the Not Guilty plea -- upon apprehension, they have a tendency to totally Spill Their Guts. 

Accessories:  Crappy cars -- broken headlights, dangling license plate, in need of a good wash -- are a good tip-off, too.

My Favorite Part:  A bizarre interlude in which Nancy imagines being a Grecian maiden. She says she would pray that her "father's olive groves would bear extra well, that his vines would be loaded with grapes and his nets heavy with fish every morning."  It sounded dirty to me.  Maybe because it brings to mind Carson Drew, bare-chested and sweaty... among other things.  Yick.

Loot:  The Eldridge family heirloom that helped Nancy solve the mystery.  The Cornings offer to order French crystal earrings in the shape of larkspurs for all three girls.  (But not, it should be noted, for their granddaughter.  All SHE did was bring Nancy in to solve the mystery.)

Next up:  The Clue of the Broken Locket

The joy of book donations.

Someone donated a whole pile of books from the Nancy Drew Files series.  The covers are ridiculous:

Believe me, a closer look at that guy's outfit is necessary.  The leg warmers!  The wrinkly crotchal area!  The bare chest!  The... ballet flats?  I sure hope he's the love interest:

Almost ever cover also has a baddie in a background.  This one has what looks like a ninja!:

The Sign of the Twisted Candles: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #9 -- Carolyn Keene

This was a good one.  Not only a mysterious prisoner in a tower room, but eeeeevil foster parents, a family feud, lots and lots of treasure in secret compartments, a lost child, a kidnapping, the most ridiculous family reunion/reconciliation session EVER, and more:

The frontispiece alone makes it worthwhile.  The caption reads: "Mr. Drew reached out to rescue Nancy" and the picture shows Nancy dangling out of a tower window above a falling ladder and Carson heroically catching her.  It you look closely at the illustration, it actually looks like Carson Drew has an Amazing Magnet Hand, because his hand isn't gripping Nancy's shoulder at all -- it's just resting on top of it.

Actually, for Carson's Amazing Magnet Hand to work, our girl would have to have an Amazing Bionic Shoulder.  I'm okay with believing that, as there weren't any new skills listed.

• Basic plot, from page one: "The three friends were headed for a secluded inn called The Sign of the Twisted Candles.  The Marvin family and the Faynes were related to a very old man who lived there.  Rumors had recently come from neighbors of theirs who had overheard a conversation at the inn that he was virtually a prisoner in the tower of the old-fashioned mansion."
• So the Fayne and Marvin adults don't bother to check out the rumors.  No, the girls go.  The adults in this series -- discounting Carson, of course -- are the most unmotivated people EVER.  Yet again, a crime is committed in Hannah Gruen's presence and her solution is to call Nancy (who is out of town) rather than bother calling the (admittedly useless) police.  Also, the same security guard gets knocked out at least twice.
• The story begins with the girls (big shock coming up) driving through the obligatory terrible storm.  They (again, big shock) have to get out and walk when a tree falls across the road.  Later, the storm also causes the obligatory disconnected phone call scene.
• More ways to spot villains:  thin lips, heavy-set, balding, purring voice.
• Nancy's excellent undercover skills continue:

When she remained silent, Nancy said, "I'm Nancy Drew.  These are my friends Bess Marvin and George Fayne."  On purpose she slurred the last names so the girl would not repeat them.

• And her impressive ability to read people:

Asa Sidney gave a mirthless laugh.  "The only reason I have lived to be a hundred is because I have not died!"

Nancy shuddered a little.  Plainly Mr. Sidney was far from happy.

• And her excellent sleuthing skills:

The man looked about him, studied the windows of the house carefully, and then began to dig quickly.

"He's going to bury something!" Nancy speculated.

I have to admit, though, the next bit made me want to cheer -- after seeing Mr. Jemitt bury the chest, Nancy sneaks outside, digs the chest up, drags it to her car, brings it to the bank (surviving the obligatory car chase on the way) and deposits it into the vault.  Because, you know.  You gotta keep yer clues safe.

• As gorgeous and unforgettable as Nancy Drew is supposed to be, she sure has a lot of doubles -- when she walks into the tower room, the 100-year-old prisoner thinks she's his dead wife.
• A restaurant that has bells on the tables to signal waitstaff?  Is that a Before My Time thing, or am I going to the wrong restaurants?
• I never thought I'd see the day where the chums split up.  Page 22 is the first time Bess and George learn of the feud between Asa Sidney and their families.  By page 71, they both hate Nancy because they're convinced that she and her father are trying to bilk them out of an inheritance.
• Bess didn't go too food-crazy this time.  There was only a cinnamon toast incident, and this (which I loved):

All drained their glasses of fruit punch, Bess looking wistfully at the maraschino cherry which obstinately remained in the bottom of her glass.

• Nancy gets physical:

Nancy was in a quandary.  She knew her father would never touch the woman.  If Mrs. Jemitt was to be forcibly removed from the stairway, she would have to do it!

With the speed of a panther Nancy grabbed Mrs. Jemitt's arms and swung her around out of the way.

Later, Mrs. Jemitt retaliates by attempting to beat Nancy with a hairbrush!  Good times. 

• I, also, find these to be attractive qualities in a person:

"I love old Mr. Sidney.  He's so friendless and pathetic."

I'm running out of time here, but seriously.  This one is AWESOME.

• Next up:  Password to Larkspur Lane

"She was the perfect combination of an icon who we loved but who we really wanted to kick the shit out of..."

Nancy Drew: Feminist or daddy's girl?

Nancy's Mysterious Letter: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #8 -- Carolyn Keene

Nancy's Mysterious Letter is full of near misses and minor accidents:

THRILL as Nancy ALMOST gets punched!

CHILL as Nancy ALMOST falls down the stairs! 

SWELL with PRIDE as Nancy tells a Postal Inspector WHERE TO GET OFF.  (And to contact her lawyer!)

WEEP when she RIPS her DRESS! 

GASP as a boy on a sled hits her and BRUISES her LEG! 

GNAW your fingernails when she is LOCKED IN!  TO A DARK!  GYMNASIUM! 

FLINCH when Nancy ALMOST gets hit by a rock!

SHRIEK in TERROR when she and Ned are ALMOST run over!  (This time, by a car!)

BREATHE a sigh of relief when Nancy escapes DEATH by STAGE CURTAIN!

AND SOB when Nancy is CHLOROFORMED in the bathroom -- sorry, powder room -- of the River Heights airport*!

Okay, I admit it.  This volume isn't particularly action-packed. 

Nancy never learns -- her do-gooder ways always cause trouble!  She invites the poor old mail carrier in for a nice cup of cocoa, and when he leaves, he discovers that his mailbags have been robbed!  Not only is Nancy's Mysterious Letter From England missing, but so is a cash-filled letter addressed to her father!

It doesn't take long for Nancy to deduce that the thief is none other than Edgar Nixon, the mailman's brother!  She is aided by some friendly busybodies and by young, tricycle-riding Tommy Johnson, who does more in this book towards solving the mystery than Chief McGinnis EVER has.

Nancy's intuition:

When Nancy finally sees a picture of her suspect:

As Ira had said, Edgar was handsome, but his eyes were cold as steel and she instantly felt that he was not a person to be trusted.

Yes, very impressive.  If you ignore the fact that she's already aware that the man stole the mail.  AND that he's a litterbug.  AND that he's been harassing his poor old mailman brother.

The Car Chase Scene:  How many rickety wooden bridges are there in the River Heights area, anyway?  This is the third time (at least) Nancy has been foiled by one.

Nancy's methods:  Continue to be fascinating.  She has a photograph of the guy and his license plate number, but ultimately, she identifies him by his tacky-ass cuff links.

Nancy's knowledge base:  She is very familiar with nautical terms and excellent at interpreting Shakespeare.  She also has excellent parallel parking skills.

The Land of Coincidence Unchained:  Not a whole lot of detecting is necessary when it comes to tracking down The Other Nancy Drew** -- it turns out that she just happens to be directing a play at Ned's college.  And Nancy, Bess and George just happen to be there that same weekend!  Hurrah!

Later, when it seems that The Other Nancy Drew has disappeared, our Nancy just happens to run into a girl who was once nannied by TOND.  Hurrah! 

A collision with a boy on a sled just happens to allow Nancy to read the suspect's mail without opening it -- so she's able to catch him for mail fraud without breaking any laws!  Hurrah!

Detective Tips: 

Always keep rewards on hand for young tipsters:

Nancy went to get two small jars of hard candy.  She called them her emergency treats for just such occasions.

Just... odd:  Interesting weather in River Heights -- it's late enough in the year for a huge blizzard, yet Nancy had the top down in her blue convertible.

Bess and George crack me up (genuinely):

Dave Evans was blond, green-eyed, and of rangy build.  He gazed at Bess fondly.  "You look stunning in that new suit," he remarked.  "I like that fur collar.  What is it--squirrel?"

George spoke up.  "Yep.  She shot it on the way up here."

Big Fun:

  Yet another wholesome weekend with the Omega Chi Epsilon boys -- after the play and the Big Game and the dance, everyone goes to the chapel service specially arranged for the boys and their dates.

FOOTBALL.  I do not read Nancy Drew Mystery Stories to get play-by-play descriptions of college football games.  That is all.

Carson Drew's Lack of Concern Continues:

  Nancy is almost RUN OVER at Emerson College.  Deliberately run over.  Yet Carson sees no issue with Nancy, Bess & George gallivanting off to NYC to see the "mystery to its conclusion".  He doesn't even offer a lame excuse for not accompanying them.  He and Nancy continue their icky flirting.

Up Next:

  Sign of the Twisted Candles.

*Yes, OF COURSE they have an airport.  Duh.

**You know, the girl for whom the Mysterious Letter From England was actually meant.

The Clue in the Diary: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #7 -- Carolyn Keene

In this book, Nancy gets slapped.  SLAPPED.

As in The Secret of Red Gate Farm, the story begins with the three girls discussing a mystery:

"I'm worried about that darling Swenson child and her mother[, who we just met at the fair five minutes ago.]  I wish we could do something to help them."

"You mean," said Bess, "find Mr. Swenson, or the money his wife told us[, virtual strangers, even though she is an extremely proud woman] he had promised to send?"

"Yes," Nancy answered.  "It's very mysterious, since apparently he has been away for some time [and it's impossible that he simply abandoned them, as that sort of thing doesn't happen in the River Heights area].  I wonder if his letters--containing money orders--were stolen.  [I'm reminding the two of you about the money orders in case you've forgotten -- we did learn about them a whole five minutes ago.]"

It should be noted that during that conversation, Bess ate at least three sandwiches and a deviled egg.

Not a lot of new skills, other than that Nancy knows a smattering of Swedish and can tell at a glance if something is written by a man or a woman AND whether or not a house can be saved from a fire.  She is also participating in the "crippled children's home kiddie show" and comes up with an "ingenious" plan to winnow out mail fraud.  And we learn that:

She expressed her opinions firmly, but did not force them on others.  Nancy's abilities of leadership were welcome and depended upon in any group.

She also "possessed an intangible appealing quality which people never forget."  Maybe that quality has something to do with her willingness to be generous to the poor -- assuming, of course, that they are attractive, polite and neat.  Or maybe it's just that she's not a litterbug.  (See page three for proof of that.)  We also learn that if your car is rear-ended, it's smart to be very polite to the crappy driver behind you because he might be a Very Rich Factory Owner Who Has a Connection to Your Case.

Driving home from the fair, the girls hear an explosion and witness a house burst into flame.  Of course, they head straight for the disaster to rescue any inhabitants.  Once there, Nancy uses her aforementioned leadership skills and orders her two friends to leave the scene and contact the fire department while she will attempt to enter the burning building alone.  Brilliant.  (She doesn't make it in, thankfully -- for a very message-heavy series, the suggestion to enter burning buildings seems to be an odd choice.)

Nancy Drew, evidence suppressor.  She sees a blond man running away from the scene, calls at him to stop, but he escapes.  Though "his actions were those of a guilty person", she decides that his appearance ("tall and gaunt, and poorly dressed") suggests otherwise.  When she finds a diary that in all probability belongs to the escapee (it's partially written in Swedish and, after all, he was blond) on the grounds, rather than turn it over to the police, she keeps it, hoping to get it translated. 

Nancy is suspicious when a strange -- but handsome -- boy at the fire scene jumps into her car and drives away, but it turns out that he's just trying to save the blue convertible from being scorched by the falling embers.  Enter Ned Nickerson. 

What's that, you say?  Wasn't Nancy knitting Ned a sweater in Book #5, The Secret of Shadow Ranch?  Well, yes.  Yes she was.  But we'll just ignore that.  Ah, the dangers of multiple authors and multiple re-writes.

As usual, the blue convertible suffers mightily.  Nancy gets rear-ended, resulting in quite a lot of damage, including a dragging bumper.  Ned to the rescue!  He rips the bumper off with his BARE HANDS and tosses it into the back seat of the car.  Wow.  Thoughtful and manly. 

Later, while slowly (to preserve her springs) traversing a one-lane, rutted dirt road, Nancy and Co. suffer harassment from Crazy Honking Truck Man, who wants to drive faster.  Ultimately, he sideswipes them while passing ON A BRIDGE.  A creaky, cracking, falling-down wooden bridge.  Oddly, that adventure was totally random and had NO BEARING WHATSOEVER on the case. 

Nancy Drew, hypocrite.  Ned calls her the day after the fire and tells her about a signet ring with a Swedish inscription that he found at the fire site.  She doesn't mention the diary she found, and says:

"It may furnish a clue.  But shouldn't the ring be turned over to the police?"

For once, Nancy's meddling gets her in trouble.  She and the girls get hauled into the police station and questioned.  As Carson Drew's daughter, I was a bit surprised that she didn't demand a lawyer.

Nancy gets teased unmercifully in this one:

"He's handsome, too."  Bess giggled.  "And what a soulful expression in those big blue eyes of his when he looks at our Nancy!" 

"Were they blue?  I thought they were--"  Nancy broke off as she realized that Bess has deliberately trapped her.

Who would've ever guessed that Bess Marvin had it in her to trick Nancy Drew?

Ned is rather persistent young man -- he calls FIVE TIMES in one day to invite her to history's most wholesome fraternity party.  At the party, she just happens to meet the Stanford postmaster's son who gives her a clue (and trusts her with some confidential information).

More coincidences:  Carson Drew's latest case?  He's representing a man who just happens to be suing the owner of the smoking ruins.  The Swenson family...  hmmm... Swenson is a SWEDISH name, isn't it?  Wasn't it a blond man who dropped the diary while running from the scene of the fire?

Loot:  Joe Swenson's mother's signet ring.

Next Up:  Nancy's Mysterious Letter.

I'm intrigued...

...though admittedly, a bit frightened of Bess's bodacious ta-tas.

Nancy Drew graphic novels.

(via A Chair, A Fireplace and A Tea Cozy)

Nancy Drew meets some Little Green Men.

I was flipping through the Fall Simon & Schuster catalog last night when I came across this:

Nancy Drew: Girl Detective
#21 CLOSE ENCOUNTERS

Nancy, Bess, and George head to Brody's Junction, Vermont, to fly down the slopes. Little do they realize they're in for flying saucers! Hundreds of tourists have invaded the town to watch the purported UFO sightings, which are odd enough. Odder still are reports of townspeople being abducted and the strange clues that seem to point to little green men as the culprits. Nancy's mantra, though, is "innocent until proven guilty," and she's hoping to have a close encounter with some hard facts before the town spins out of control.

A couple of things:

A)  I'm not usually attracted to the new ND mysteries, but this plot might be too awesome for me to pass up.

B)  I really like the cover.

C)  Since when is Nancy's mantra "innocent until proven guilty"?  I thought it was more "he's Rude and wearing a Tacky Suit and therefore must be Up To No Good". 

The Secret of Red Gate Farm: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #6 -- Carolyn Keene

Wow.  A cult.  A mysterious "oriental-looking" woman.  Foreign-make cars, secret service agents, an old lady trying to save her farm and a counterfeiting operation.

Certainly doesn't sound like the most boring Nancy Drew book so far, right?

Well, it is.  Book Six is definitely the current low point.  It took Nancy & Co. sixty pages just to GET to Red Gate Farm -- that's a third of the book!  Once they get there, it's back to Nancy-business as usual -- action, adventure and wholesome entertainment -- but it's a slow beginning.

The whole thing starts when Bess wants to buy perfume from an "oriental-looking" clerk, who doesn't want to sell it.  Bess insists, the lady finally breaks down, but all of the girls are very suspicious. 

My question may seem obvious, but in that case, it should have been obvious to the Bad Guys:  Why put something out for sale if you don't want to sell it to the general public? 

As for the "oriental-looking" clerk, she's apparently the only person of Asian descent in the River Heights area -- later, when it seems clear that she is very definitely involved in the mystery (duh), Nancy remarks:  "At least it shouldn't be too hard to find Yvonne Wong."

Not much in the way of new Nancy-skills:  Her first-aid skills come in handy again when she helps a fainting girl on the train (Later, George displays an amazingly bad memory when she scoffs "Girls don't faint these days."), she instinctively memorizes license plate numbers, deals with a snakebite, and, with the help of a book, she breaks an "unbreakable code" in two hours. 

She also learns how to milk a cow.  That was interesting -- I've never seen her described as "awkward" before.  Granted, the full description was "a bit awkward", but still.  She was really off her game this time around.

While we're on the topic of skills...  Nancy has a real talent for car accidents.  She just can't seem to get into her stylish blue convertible without some sort of catastrophe a few pages later.  It's a good thing she has sidekicks to push the car out of the ditch.

Though the book is low on Nancy-skills, we are treated to some important Nancy-life-lessons:

In her active life the attractive, titian-haired young sleuth had learned that being on time was important.

However, it was Nancy's lively interest in people that was largely responsible for involving her in unusual adventures...

So, if you're always on time and sensitive to the needs of other people, You, Too, Could Be An Intrepid Girl Sleuth.

Carson Drew is a big help, as usual: 

"I'd really like to help you with this mystery," her father said, "but I'm so tied up with this Clifton case I just can't tackle anything else right now."

As for the sidekicks, they come in very handy when Nancy decides to Play Hero and needs someone to carry her bags.  George is also a tad obsessed with the idea of being involved in another mystery:

"Oh, Nancy," teased George, "there you go again, dreaming up another mystery!" (3)

"Well, here we go again!  Never a dull moment with Nancy around!"  George laughed gaily.  (25)

"I've never been with you yet that we didn't run into an adventure or mystery!  Maybe a trip to Red Gate will be exciting!" (42)

The Bad Guys are back to being easily identifiable by their cruel faces, "hostile, penetrating eyes", tacky clothes, coarse looks, foreign cars and all-around rudeness.  And don't forget the "distinctive Oriental features" -- always a good tip-off.  Also, Baddies frequently spend time in "dingy-looking" places and are very pushy when trying to buy property from nice little old ladies.

And now we move on to the cult.  It's a nature cult, called the Black Snake Colony.  They mostly live in tents and dance around by moonlight.  They seem odd, but pretty harmless.  But our Nancy doesn't think so -- if the townspeople don't like 'em, that's good enough for her.  Give her a pitchfork and a torch to wave and she'd be at the front of the mob.

But, really. Give her a break -- she did have a Break-Through People Can Be Different Than Me And Still Okay Moment: 

Nancy took time to scrutinize her companion more carefully than before.  She wore a blue gingham dress which was plain and durable, and certainly did not appear to be a costume.  The woman did not speak or act as Nancy imagined a member of the cult would.  She seemed like any other person.

Of course, as usual, she's right.  They are Bad Guys.  The one nice lady was forced into it by her somewhat abusive husband.  (Right?  Domestic abuse and a cult in a Nancy Drew book = Wicked Hardcore.)

Scooby-Doo Moment:

"Outwitted--by that snooping kid!" Maurice Hale screamed.

Nancy's Loot:  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.

Nancy's Man:  Karl Abbott, Jr.  A bit of flirting, not much, though he did ultimately Save The Day by bringing in the Secret Service guys.  Not a single mention of Ned.

Next Up:  The Clue in the Diary.

Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #5: The Secret of Shadow Ranch – Carolyn Keene

Mystery-wise, The Secret of Shadow Ranch is ridiculously similar to Book Four.  Someone wants to scare away the inhabitants of Shadow Ranch, so the baddies commit minor acts of vandalism and rig up a phantom horse.  But wait, there’s more!  Nancy also promises to look into a six-month old missing persons case AND a bank robbery to solve AND a generations-old treasure to find. 

Similarities aside, there are quite a few firsts in this book.  The major one being that this is the first time we meet Bess Marvin and George Fayne, Nancy’s "best friends" with whom she's "shared many exciting adventures" with...  even though we've never heard of them.

This says all you really need to know about the trio’s dynamics:

George insisted on collecting Nancy’s suitcases at the baggage-claim section.  "But save the mystery until I come back!" George said and hastened off.  Bess led Nancy toward an attractive sandwich shop in the air terminal.

George is always 'hastening off' to do something, whether it be fetching luggage, bringing the car around, or lugging pails of water.  You know.  The man-stuff.  Because tomboys love to do chores.

In terms of appetite, Bess is a precursor to The Clique’s Dylan Marvil.  When she's upset, she says she isn't hungry –- which she proves by ordering a 'double-chocolate sundae with walnuts'.

She also looooves the boys.  Nancy tells Bess about the sweater she's knitting for her father and Bess responds:

"He'll love it.  Not to change the subject, but there are some handsome cowboys at the ranch."

While Carson Drew doesn't make an appearance in this mystery, the idea of Bess's thought process there was enough to give me the same skeevy feeling.  Eeeeeew.  I wonder what he'll act like with THREE attractive young girls around the house.  Double-Eeeeeew.

This is also the first mystery away from the River Heights area.  In it, we learn that Nancy can knit, that she's an excellent equestrian and that she knows how to deal with scary dogs.  She also knows a whole lot about life on an Old West ranch and is able to reconstruct events from 1880 to find the treasure.  She knows how to react in a sandstorm, can identify a snake's rattler (not attached) at a glance, what to do when a car overheats, has strong orienteering skills and puts knowledge learned in chemistry class to good use.  She also courageously stops a robbery in progress, deduces that the sabotage must be an inside job because the guard dogs don't bark, leads Bess (on horseback) through a raging flood and finds a secret passageway.

The Car in the Desert Incident revealed an interesting fact – when the Stratemeyer Syndicate has to choose between Nancy’s Know-How and High Drama, they went with the drama.  Nancy knew enough to check the radiator when the car overheated, but not enough to wait for it to cool off a bit before unscrewing the cap.  Luckily, when the boiling water fountained out, George was there to take the hit for her.  (That isn't to say that our heroine doesn't take knocks, too -- later, Nancy is romantically thrown from a horse and briefly blacks out.)

For the most part, the baddies in Book Five were the same as usual. 

If you want a job as a bad guy in a Nancy Drew book, crabbiness and a bad attitude are a must.  It also helps if you're a braggart, have bad penmanship and have a short temper.  It's also a plus if you spill everything the moment you have the Good Guys tied up.

Being completely illogical helps, too:

On page SIX, before the girls have even LEFT the AIRPORT, a man very obviously eavesdrops on them, then swipes Nancy's purse and leaves a threatening message in their car.  Considering that the baddies are trying to convince the people at the ranch that the ranch is HAUNTED, it's kind of a bad move to pull such a non-paranormal stunt. Nancy's fame must be great indeed if the crooks in Arizona are concerned that she's on the case.

Another First:  There is a crabby cowboy who was ALSO smart and handsome!  What to think there?  Can Dave Gregory possibly a Good Guy, despite his bad manners?  Or is he a Bad Guy despite his good looks??

The last major First is the introduction of Ned Nickerson as Nancy’s boyfriend.  He doesn’t make an actual appearance, as he’s in (shocker) Europe, but you'd think that his existence would put Nancy in a bit of a romantic quandary, considering she goes a bit flirtastic with Dave Gregory, the mysterious-maybe-bad-but-handsome cowboy. Nope.:

When he was out of earshot, Alice said, "As for you, Nancy, he's really flipped!"

"And what'll poor Ned do?" George teased.

Nancy grinned. "We'll be home by the time he gets back from Europe."

Editing glitch?  At the beginning of the book, Nancy mentions a sweater she's making for her dad.  At the end, the sweater is mentioned again, but now it's for Ned.  Hmmm.

Nancy's Loot:  An antique gold woman's watch/pin that can be traced back to the romantic yet tragic story attached to the ranch.

Next Up:  The Secret of Red Gate Farm

PS. This is unrelated to the story itself, but check out the inscription that I found when I opened the book (which I bought from the library booksale):

Easter Sunday 1970

With the hope this book is but one of the many pleasures reading will bring you

Love Dad

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The Mystery at Lilac Inn: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #4 -- Carolyn Keene

The ante is upped in The Mystery at Lilac Inn:

Far less description of clothing/food and far more DANGER.  Nancy's reputation is making her sleuthing more difficult -- the Bad Guys actually try to get rid of her BEFORE she starts meddling.  She survives a canoe mishap, is driven off the road, gets a rock thrown at her car, experiences a man-made earthquake, has a spear thrown at her face WHILE SHE'S UNDERWATER, has a bomb detonate in her hotel room and is tied up and left to drown.  Also, in a very Lulu-Dark-ian twist, there is someone impersonating her!

Nancy continues to exhibit her seemingly limitless expertise in the realm of water sports.  (Heh.)  She's excellent at canoeing, is capable of underwater photography and her skin diving skills are so impressive that she got a write-up in the local newspaper.  (Which says a lot about the local paper.) 

Also:  She participates in a wholesome country sing-a-long and plays ping-pong.  She knows how to deal with a faint, specific ways of telling identical twins apart and showcases her skills at typewriter identification and analysis.  Her knowledge of hidden panels and general first aid come in handy yet again.  She knows how to get a car out of a ditch, but luckily, isn't forced to get muddy -- a handsome young police officer happens by just in time.  Sometimes, as in the instance of the ditch, her knowledge is even passed on to the reader Kiki-Strike-style.

Nancy's dancing/sparkling/flashing eyes have been replaced by her "fleeting moments":

...Nancy noticed a look of anxiety in Emily's eyes.  But the next instant it vanished.

For a fleeting moment Nancy once again detected a worried look in the young woman's eyes.

For a fleeting moment the sleuth detected a hard, calculating look replacing Jean's usually shy expression.

In a move that speaks volumes about the capabilities of the River Heights police force (and about Hannah Gruen, for that matter)...  When Hannah Gruen discovers a break-in at the Drew house, does she immediately call the police?  Nope.  She calls Nancy, the intrepid young sleuth -- who tells her to call the police.  Brilliant. 

I suspect that the River Heights area must have a HUGE police force -- and that all of the crime in the area is centered around Nancy Drew.  Once again, the police post a 24-hour watch -- both at the Drew house and at Lilac Inn.

As all of Helen Corning's relatives seem to have had their mysteries solved, we discover that the Drew family has a stable of close "family friends".  Close enough that Nancy is invited to be a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, but not close enough to ever get mentioned before.

Speaking of Helen Corning -- her friendship with Nancy has turned her into a very suspicious (and nosy!) young lady:

"He didn't even try to help us!" Helen said indignantly.  "Do you think maybe he upset our canoe?"

...

"What a way for a social director to act!" Helen said in disgust.  "I wonder why the two women were quarreling about money."

If the suspect is female, The Bad Guy Rudeness Rule no longer always applies.  There's a lady in this one who is a mega-bitch, which originally led me to think that she was in cahoots with the BGs -- but she was a red herring.  She was dabbling in a bit of free-agent blackmail, though.  Of course, The Rudeness Rule still applies to men, as does the Shifty-Eye Factor. 

What would Nancy do without her awesome dad?  After discovering that Nancy's hotel room has been bombed, you'd think that he might be a tad concerned -- that maybe he might want her to drop the case -- or maybe even stick around -- or, DUH, tell the folks at Lilac Inn to CONTACT THE POLICE... 

Wrong:

"Nancy, I wish I could stay here and help you work out this mystery.  Unfortunately, I have to return to River Heights and review highly important evidence for a case I'm to try next week."

Then, THEN, forty pages later, she calls Carson to ask him for permission to go skin-diving again.  You know, because of the spear-to-the-face incident.  So he has no issue with her staying in a hotel where HER ROOM WAS BOMBED, but she's expected to call home if she's going swimming?

The BGs have gone a bit Bond-ish -- when the Big Bad captures Nancy, not only is she told the entire plan, but she's INTRODUCED to the gang.  They give her their REAL NAMES.  This is the same group that has managed to get their hands on a miniature submarine, engineered a fake earthquake, stolen fifty thousand dollars worth of uncut diamonds and bombed a local hotel.  And they still give her their real names.  In an IQ test, they'd give Chief McGinnis a run for his money.

While there wasn't actually a girl-fight, I do have high hopes for the future.  Nancy TRIPS someone.

Nancy's Loot:  a diamond pin shaped like a lilac spray

Next up:  The Secret at Shadow Ranch

The Bungalow Mystery: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #3 -- Carolyn Keene

Like the first book, The Bungalow Mystery revolves around an inheritance.  But this one is much more complicated (it might take three or four brain cells to solve, rather than one or two), involving stolen bearer bonds, a kidnapping, stolen identities, and a sack of jewels.

• Nancy begins her adventure on vacation.  On vacation from what, I don’t know.

• Nancy, you bad girl!  She doesn’t wear a life preserver – in fact, she and Helen Corning go out for a jaunt in a motorboat without even bothering to be sure that they have a couple stowed in the event of an emergency.

• Nancy has taken a class in auto mechanics, always carries an emergency overnight bag in her car (Slut!), volunteers regularly, her tennis game is “terrific”, she is able to pick flattering clothes out for other people, and she knows how to escape rope bonds (she learned from a detective).

• Nancy is also an excellent swimmer with a “powerful crawl”.  She seems to be fond of surface dives, which she uses to find Helen Corning after their boat sinks during a freak storm, because Helen’s arms have inexplicably stopped working.  (The explanation is that she “bumped them” when the boat hit a log, but the second they reach land, her arms are fine, so I don’t buy it.)

• While I wouldn’t quite chalk the ridiculous coincidences in this series up to deus ex machina, there has to be some sort of middle ground term that isn’t coming to mind.  At the very least, all of the coincidences together should count as one big DEM:

Just as Nancy is about to succumb to exhaustion while towing Helen the armless wonder back to shore, a girl in a rowboat comes along to rescue them.  Not only had she been walking the beach during the storm (because she liked to do that), but she just happened to hear their cries for help and just happened to have lost her father to drowning so she just had to rescue the girls and then, upon hearing their names, just happened to need Nancy’s help.  That’s just in the first ten pages.  We don’t even need to go into the fact that Nancy’s case just happens to be the same as El Sketch-o Carson’s case.  At this point, that’s pretty much a given, even though we’re only three books into the series.

• The Stratemeyer Syndicate continues to love exclamation points. As far as I’m concerned, they used up their allowance for the next three books in the first chapter alone.  I counted seven on one page. SEVEN. !!!!!!!

• Nancy becomes suspicious of the bad guys when they make a point of mentioning their adoptee’s lack of money – she is surprised that they would discuss money matters with a virtual stranger.  Interesting that that never has bothered her before – she totally took it in stride in the last two books.  For that matter, I think that Nancy might be a tad guilty of failing to allow for a little bit of variety in human personalities:

Nancy drove away, but told herself they would bear further investigation. It seemed unnatural that they would not have told what parts they were playing.

She hasn’t even met them and she thinks they’re acting “unnatural”.  Good, Nanc.

• You can always spot the bad guys and gals by their rudeness.  If you still aren’t sure, they’re the ones driving the foreign car (which is, of course, black):

“That’s the end of my story,” he said, “except to tell you, Aborn, I sold your blue sedan this morning.  The money helped pay for my new foreign car.”

• Impressively, Nancy once again converts a bad guy:

”Thanks, Miss Drew. And I want to tell you I’m tired of this whole business. You’re only a kid but you’ve really taught me a lesson.”

• Nancy receives a frightening phone call – the caller manages to ask for Nancy, then gasps, there is a crash, a thump and the phone is slammed down.  She tells her father what happened.  Carson’s response?

”Well, dear, I must run down to the office.”

• Why, if Carson is such a big-time lawyer, is he doing what basically amounts to private investigator work?  He’s so lame.  If he got in a fight with Keith Mars, Keith would totally wipe the floor with him.  As for that, it totally makes sense to me that Veronica Mars helps her dad out on his cases – they have money problems, etc. But I have no idea why Carson Drew, Mr. Rich Guy, keeps asking Nancy for help. It makes no sense. Also, Keith is a gazillion times more protective than Carson – he at least tries to keep Veronica from doing anything dangerous.  Carson, though: “Sure, honey – no problem – why don’t you go out and snoop around the supposedly violent alleged embezzlers?  Let me know what you turn up.  Oh, and make sure you go alone.”

Maybe he secretly bumped off her mom and he’s trying to get rid of her, too, so that he and Hannah Gruen can finally give into their forbidden passion.

• A couple of hotties in this one – one is the helpful neighbor of the kidnapped man, one is an old high school friend of Nancy’s – actually, she’d gone to the Spring Prom with him.  Apparently, Ned doesn't appear until Book Eight or so.  I'm waiting with bated breath.

• While Book Two highlighted the utter crappiness of Nancy’s local police force, Book Three provides evidence that they do have one thing going for them:  response time.  Nancy calls them to report an intruder in her house and despite the fact that River Heights is apparently crime-ridden (judging from the last three books) they’re there within five minutes.  When they realize that the intruder is, in fact, Carson Drew, everyone has a good laugh over the mix-up.

• Never one to be content with only solving the mysteries, re-uniting the adoptee with her real adoptive parents AND saving the bad guys from a car crash, Nancy throws herself under the burning wreckage to rescue the bearer bonds, too, thus assuring the adoptee’s status as an independently wealthy young woman.  Mere seconds after she pulls the suitcases from the car, it explodes.  It was a gripping moment.

• She’s eventually going to need to add a wing to her house – so far, she’s been given the Old Clock, a silver urn and an aquamarine ring. I wonder what she’ll get at the end of The Mystery of Lilac Inn…

The Hidden Staircase: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #2 -- Carolyn Keene

Okay, in The Hidden Staircase, we learn that Nancy gardens, is good with tools, knows how to glean information from footprints in the mud and has read up on hidden passageways and secret doors.  She also knows how to deal with a wild owl in the house, of all things.  She still loves speeding -- what's the point of having a new blue convertible if you don't participate in a few car chases? 

She also has the amazing ability to determine a very detailed judgment of a person's character after a two-minute conversation:

Nancy had taken an instant dislike to Gomber and now it was quadrupled.  She judged him to be the kind of person who stays within the boundaries of the law but whose ethics are questionable.

I mean, really.

Carson Drew is supposed to be one of the smartest guys in River Heights, right?  I find it interesting that he gets what basically amounts to a death threat, then a few pages later he is almost run over by an "out of control" car, yet makes no connection whatsoever between the two events.  He also continues his totally icky flirtation with Nancy:

In a flash, Nancy was out the back door and running to meet her father.  "Oh, Dad, I'm so glad to see you!" she exclaimed.

She gave him a tremendous hug and a resounding kiss.  He responded affectionately, but gave a little chuckle.  "What have I done to rate this extra bit of attention?" he teased.  With a wink he added, "I know.  Your date for tonight is off and you want me to substitute."

Dirk Jackson is the date that Carson Drew mentioned above.  He's a "red-haired, former high-school tennis champion" -- no word on what he does now.  He "doesn't like to be kept waiting" -- especially, Nancy says, "by any of my mysteries".  No wonder no one remembers him. 

Regardless of the fact that the narrator always stresses Hannah Gruen's position as "part of the family", she continues to do all of the work around the house.  She also gives Nancy advice -- probably whenever the writer felt that the "Nancy decided/exclaimed/deduced" bit was getting a bit repetitive.

Poor Helen Corning.  She's around to:

A) Tell Nancy about the case.
B) Ask all of the reader's questions, no matter how obvious and lame. 
C) Get dirty.  She's the one who opens the damper in the fireplace and gets all sooty, falls through the hole in the old stable, and gets covered in plaster when the ceiling collapses.  (Nancy, romantically, gets knocked out during the ceiling collapse episode.  No mention of dust mussing up her titian hair.)
D) Be the boy.  When Nancy and Helen dress up in old costumes to entertain the old ladies with an old-fashioned dance, Helen has to be the boy.

Remember the flapping-jaw syndrome I mentioned in Book One?  Well, apparently, Nancy has it, too.  At least everyone is consistently jabbering, I guess.  Speaking of, this book features the Wimpiest Henchmen Ever.  The police aren't able to get anything out of them, but Nancy bats her eyelashes and they spill almost immediately.

The Hidden Staircase continues the trend of old ladies being portrayed as doddering -- but sweet -- old bats who can't remember anything.

Book One had lots of descriptions of clothing.  This one has lots of food: 

"...the delicious dinner of spring lamb, rice and mushrooms, fresh peas and chocolate angel cake with vanilla ice cream..."
"...steak and French friend potatoes, fresh peas, and yummy floating island for dessert..."
"...cup of steaming chicken bouillon, a thin slice of well-toasted bread, and a saucer of plain gelatin."

Since when do police officers ENCOURAGE young women to continue their amateur sleuthing?  The cops in this book rival Abe Carver and the Salem Police Force for the Worst Cops Ever award.

And, I'm happy to say:  The unintentional humor continues!  This next bit is from a scene where Nancy is trying to track down clues about her missing father at a train station -- she just happens to run into a nurse who just happens to have taken the train at the same time her father rode into town and who just happens to have seen him get into a taxi and just happens to overhear Nancy questioning taxi drivers and just happens to recognize Carson Drew from Nancy's description and just happens to realize that one of the taxi drivers is lying (the strange spelling of kidnapped is from the book, not me):

When the man did not reply, Miss Skade said, "Now look, Harry.  This girl's afraid that her father has been kidnaped.  It's up to you to tell her all you know."

"Kidnaped!" the taximan shouted.  "Oh, goodnight!  Now I don't know what to do."

Nancy had a sudden thought.  "Has somebody been threatening you, Harry?" she asked.

The cab driver's eyes nearly popped from his head.  "Well," he said, "since you've guessed it, I'd better tell you everything I know."

With comedy like that, who needs realism?

The Secret of the Old Clock: Nancy Drew Mystery Stories, #1 -- Carolyn Keene

I've never been a huge Nancy Drew fan, but I still couldn't pass up my recent once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of lugging home twenty of them in one fell swoop.  (Come on!  Ten dollars!  How could I not?)

So, what with them lying all over our apartment and all, I decided it was time to give old Nancy another go:

• It was pretty funny.  Unintentionally funny, granted.  But still funny:

"Do you know what became of the notebook, Mrs. Rowen?

"Oh dearie me!  There goes my memory again.  No, I don't."

• No Ned Nickerson or Bess and George in Book One.  Nancy does have a "slim, attractive friend" named Helen Corning, but she's just a plot device to get Nancy up to the Moon Lake area.


• Speaking of plot devices:  Nancy's "dark blue convertible" (she got it for her birthday) should win an award.  Not only did a perfectly timed malfunction in the motorized convertible top (during an extremely heavy downpour) allow her to coincidentally meet two of the key players in the mystery, but a flat tire later in the story allows us readers to experience the joys of changing a tire -- which, of course, Nancy knows how to do.  (Okay, the flat tire wasn't a plot device at all.  There was no reason for it -- which is odd, as most events in the book were there for a specific reason -- unless of course, the Stratemeyer Syndicate wanted girls to know that it was cool to change tires, so maybe that bit was about Nancy's character development.  Or something.  Although, it is specifically mentioned that she doesn't enjoy changing tires.  That would probably be too butch.)


• She's not just good at changing tires.  Nancy is also generous -- she buys groceries for an old lady.  And she's an Emma-style meddler -- she finds out that a girl wants to sing and tricks her into an audience with a premier operatic voice instructor who just happens to live in River Heights.  She may be rich, but she's no snob -- she loooooves to help poor people.  She has an excellent appetite, can cook, is well-versed in first aid, loves hiking, can repair an outboard motor, is athletic and knows how to use a lever, is very responsible, and maybe most importantly, has fantastic women's intuition.


• All fabulous qualities, but the most useful one seems to be this:  Every single person she meets seems to be so bowled over by her charm that they immediately start blathering about all of their troubles -- money, romance, hopes, dreams, etc.  Some of these people know her for less than five minutes before they start spilling their guts.  It's kind of amazing. 


• Again with the she may be rich bit -- she may be rich, but she's still frugal!  After a run in with the bitchy Topham sisters in a department store results in a torn dress, Nancy buys the item at a drastically reduced price.  (Nancy explains the practice to the clerk (who for some reason is unaware of the possibility), thus saving the clerk a cut in pay and giving Nancy a discount.)


• Like changing tires, Nancy doesn't enjoy eavesdropping or breaking the law -- but she will if she has to!  (Speaking of exclamation points, HOLY COW, the St. Syn. loved 'em:  "There were tire marks which could belong to Sid's van!  They led to the barn!")


• If Nancy and Molly Moon came up against each other in a battle of hypnotism, I don't know who'd win.  In a 180-page book, Nancy's eyes "sparkled" twice, "twinkled" once, "danced" twice, and were described as "bright" once.  She's not the only one:  Fred Mathews has sparkly eyes, too, but his eyes "sparkled boyishly".


• Lastly, you wouldn't think that Nancy has much in common with Gossip Girl and their ilk, but her clothing is described every single time she changes her outfit -- no brand names, mind you, but still described:  "a simple green linen sports dress with a matching sweater", "dressed in a tan cotton suit", "wearing a yellow sunback dress and jacket"...  Rather than including a teaser chapter from the next book (as is pretty common practice now), the St. Synd. managed to work the teaser right into the end of the story:

As Nancy stood looking wistfully at the old clock she little dreamed that in the near future she would be involved in The Hidden Staircase mystery, a far more baffling case than the one she had just solved.  But somehow, as Nancy gazed at the timepiece, she sensed that exciting days were soon to come.