TLL's Phil stories make me wish WE had a security guard.

From Tiny Little Librarian:

Anyway, this day, he and some other guy were sleeping and being loud, so Phil had to talk to them. They then proceeded to threaten him and his car with baseball bats (people are always threatening his car, it's weird). So he called the police so their threats would be on record - "In case I hurt them." I love Phil!!