Breaking Dawn: Twilight series, #4 -- Stephenie Meyer

My Breaking Dawn Reading Experience 
(obviously, spoilers may follow):

1-2:  Huh.  In all of these books, the preface has always been a flash-forward to the ending.  This time around, Bella's sounding unsure of herself.  Maybe she won't end up going through with it.

4:  "Engine snarling like a hunting panther..."  Oh, hell.  I'd better settle in for some ridiculousness.  If panthers snarled while they hunted, I doubt they'd catch much.

7:  The idea that Edward may have... hastened... Bella's truck's death does not endear him to me.  She loved her truck.  Grrrr.  Oh.  It's because the new car is so SAFE.  Because he's protecting her.  Why doesn't he just brick her up in the basement or something?  Blecch.  Maybe I should wait a bit longer before reading this. 

...

Let's face it, that's not going to happen.  Moving on...

12:  Poor old Jacob.

13:  "Stop fidgeting, Bella."  Bite me (er, actually, don't!), Edward.  She already has a father, thanks very much.  Yeesh.

20:  Alice dresses Charlie up in a tux and Bella says (completely seriously), "You look fabulous!  What's the occasion?"  WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, YOU STUPID GIRL???  Auuugh.  It's a good thing this is the last book starring Bella.  If I knew there was more to come, my head might explode.

23:  "...I could never for a second forget that I was holding someone more angel than man in my arms..."  BARF.  BAAAAAARF.  I suspect there will be more of this than usual in this last installment.

25:  Yep.  Yecch.  Ooo!  She pulled out the marble simile already!  And the stone metaphor!  And there goes glass!  All in the same paragraph!  Wheeee!  It's like Bella is making out with a lawn ornament!

27:  Add 'chuckled' to the list of Words Associated With Edward.  I'm sure it's supposed to sound cool and semi-adult and sophisticated, but it's just making me think of a guinea pig -- especially since he seems to be doing it on every other page.

29:  Now the vampires have fingernails like steel.  Very sexy.  Not.

34:  Okay, the Volturi have been mentioned.  Hopefully the story will get going now.

37:  Okaaay, baby vampire.  I don't understand.  If adult and teen vampires continue to learn and grow (mentally), why wouldn't a vampire baby end up like Kiki in Interview?  Adult mind trapped in a child's body?  Maybe she'll explain this later.  Or not.

43:  Man, it's a good thing she's explaining every single issue every single character has had over the course of three (large) books ALL OVER AGAIN.

45:  "The wedding wasn't centered around the ring, but around Edward himself."  Because, hell, why would you want to center the wedding around, OH I DON'T KNOW, THE COUPLE??

47:  Of COURSE it's Pachelbel's Canon.  Centuries of living, and they pick the most overused piece of music possible.  Perfect.

50:  Wow.  They really got married.  And no one busted anything (or ANYONE) up.

58-65:  JACOB!!  Hooray!  Jacob scenes are so much less annoying than Edward scenes.  He's way more of an actual person than Mr. Garden Gnome.

66:  "Edward's voice was cold as ice, sharp as razors."  I have no words.

73:  I thought people didn't throw rice at weddings anymore.  Doesn't it make birds explode or something?  (Erm, nope.  Wow, way to fact-check, Ann Landers.  But I still don't think it gets thrown much now.  Then again, the Cullens are nothing if not traditional.)

76:  Apparently, along with his many other perfections, Edward can also pilot a yacht.  Maybe he should have married Nancy Drew instead.

80:  More chuckling.

81:  And again.

85:  Huh.  I admit, I was kind of hoping for the Superman problem to manifest itself, but no.  Rats.

91:  "You are killing my buzz, Edward."  Right?  Right?  I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be more angst-ridden than Bella, but at the moment, Edward has the crown.

105:  Hmm.  I've developed a theory about her nightmares.

117:  Boinkfest.  No actual on-screen sex, though -- which is a huge relief.

121:  Oh, look.  Bella has "food poisoning".  Yep.  Saw that coming. 

130:  "He threw a set of my clothes on the bed without looking at them, so I assumed it was time for me to get dressed."  For a few pages there, he wasn't irritating me.  But now we're back to normal.  He's so BOSSY. 

138:  And Bella's going to defy Edward.  Maybe.  Shocking!

143:  Wow, I hadn't expected this book to have multiple narrators.  Go Jacob, go!

153:  I'd forgotten that Quil imprinted with a two-year-old.

163:  I love Jacob, but I wish he'd just let it go about Bella.  I see a huge disaster coming.  It's nice to get his POV, though -- I prefer it to Bella, though he uses 'bloodsucker' even more often than she uses 'marble'.

184:  ""We have a deal," he agreed."  Um, good for you guys.  It's, like, the yickiest deal of ALL TIME.  I wonder if S. Meyer had Rosemary's Baby on repeat while she wrote this segment.  I'm clearly getting way more into the storyline -- my updates are coming further and further apart and rather than groaning at the ridiculous lines (of which there have been many), I'm just breezing on past them.

209:  Once again with the "You go, Jacob!"  Rock on with your Alpha-self.

261:  I'm enjoying the werewolf drama much more than I would have expected.

275:  The Cullens own an X-ray machine.  Of course they do.  Sadly, that just made me think of Crazy Tom Cruise and his ultrasound machine.

290:  "On the same wavelength with the bloodsucker yet again."  See?  See??  Perfect couple!  Edward ♥ Jacob 4eva, and vice-versa!

304:  Wow.  I laughed.  Silently, granted, but I did laugh.  Because something genuinely funny happened.  Shocking.

308:  The Rosemary's Baby section is officially dragging.

360:  Okay, I admit it.  That was a FANTASTIC plot twist.  It's just so perfectly perfect and hilarious and kind of creepy.  And I finally get the cover art.  Took me long enough.

363:  Jacob's chapter headings were way better than these ones.

371:  THAT'S what she wanted to name the baby?  Bella Swan is officially a dick.  You don't DO that shit.  You don't marry one guy and then name your kid after the guy whose heart you stomped on.  It's just wrong on so many levels.

387:  I really didn't think she'd get vamped.  I'm honestly surprised.

395:  Not ony does Edward chuckle in this paragraph, but: "His face was glowing--like a white flame burned from beneath his diamond skin."  BLECCCCCCH!!

419:  It's pretty entertaining watching Bella get used to her new abilities.

433:  Oh, DUH.  I just understood the "strange need" Bella had been feeling for Jacob while she was pregnant.  Sometimes I'm unbelievably slow.

451:  Oh, it made me laugh again.  And almost out loud!

485:  Jebus.  More boinking.  Lots more.

486:  Somewhere along the way Breaking Dawn stops feeling like a YA novel.  (Earlier than this, but it only just registered now.)  Odd.

510:  I do love Charlie.  He'd better make it through the next 244 pages alive.  Hell, I'd better make it through the next 244 pages alive.

541:  It's getting snoozy again.  Now I just want the Volturi to Show up so that the story can Wrap Up.  It's not a particularly good sign when you're ready for a book to end 200 pages early.

558:  I doubt very much that this is a real defection on the Alice/Jasper front.

628:  This isn't really book related, but it is part of my reading experience.  I had to kick Josh out of the house because he was being so obnoxious, and I just received the following text message:  "How are you doing?  How's the turkey [That's our dog's nickname -- it's a long story!]?  My back hurts, but I'm sure you don't care, you only care about Bella and her darkness."  He also told me to save him a Schlitz.  If I can't drink crappy beer while I read this, I might not survive!  Have texted him back to tell him he's out of luck.

672:  OH MY GOOD GOD, WILL THE WAITING NEVER END???  Still no Volturi.

736:  Ah.  That's why Bella transitioned so easily, maybe?  Because if the other lady was suffering from newborn vampire rage, she wouldn't have been able to take care of the kid, right?  So maybe the bite of a hybrid does something to avert it?  Or something?

754:  Huh.  Well, overall, I liked it more than Eclipse, but that isn't saying a whole lot.  But do keep in mind that I did read the whole thing in one sitting, so that should count for something.  It certainly could have used more editing -- I don't think it would have hurt to tighten it up by at least (Let me repeat that: AT LEAST) two hundred pages -- and I'm not usually one to gripe about a happy ending, but OH MY GOD, it was the tiniest bit over the top, don't you think?  I expected at least some sort of bittersweet something.  And the big Volturi showdown?  Talk about a let down.  And I felt a bit battered over the head with the Mother Love thing.  I've heard vague rumblings about fans being furious, and I've got to say that I'm completely in the dark -- I have NO IDEA what the specific problem is:  so I'm off to read the one-star reviews to find out!  So, yeah, I didn't hate it with the intensity of a thousand burning suns or anything, but I didn't go into it very invested in the characters or the story, either.

[Later:  Okay, judging by the few one-star reviews I've read, people are upset about the ridiculousity of the happy ending (fair enough) and about the idea of Bella, the Poster Child for Immaturity, having a child.  That people were all that surprised by any of it is what surprises me.  I thought it totally fit with the rest of the series, ESPECIALLY the bit about how Bella ultimately gets vampy -- she starts getting vaguely cold feet, but then gets pregnant (which was totally odd, but I gave SM a pass on that one because I just don't care all that much) and they have to Turn Her to Save Her.  So, as usual, stuff happens without Bella having to make an actual decision.  I'm also seeing some complaints about the name:  Renesmee -- to all of those people, I TOTALLY SECOND THAT.  It's quite possibly the lamest name ever.]

[Even later:  OH MY GOD, if you've already read the book (or if you're not planning to), go and read this play-by-play.  It's SO much more entertaining than the actual real thing.]

Previously:

Twilight, #1
New Moon, #2
Eclipse, #3

Comments

[Kelia]

Your practically page by page notes made me crack up. I think some people just hate it because it isn't how they were imagining it, which is stupid. I pretty much agree with everything you said.

[Whitney]

Renesmee is a very silly name, I have to agree. The author, however, is Mormon, and the Utah branch in particular are notorious for inflicting strange and unwieldy names upon their offspring. Some examples.. http://wesclark.com/ubn/

That was the first thing I thought of when I read her intended naming choices.

[Leila]

Dude! My name is totally on that list. Then again, so is 'K-8'. As is 'Lyn-Z'. Rough, man. Rough.

[Sarah Miller]

Fabulous. I so don't need to read the book now. (Not that I was really, really tempted anyway, but still...)

[Maddie]

I think milk nearly came out of my nose while reading this. -happydance-

[writer and reader]

If you want a really funny breakdown of the book by Edward's POV go to this website

http://community.livejournal.com/lion_lamb/1651773.html

[Leila]

That is FANTASTIC. Thanks for the tip, writer and reader.

Also check out the commentary at Fandom Wank.

[Leila]

More here.

[Paradox]

Wow, who would have thought that the people who actually liked Breaking Dawn would be a minority?

Personally, I love the book to pieces and it may be the only one in the series that I re-read. Whitney brought up looking at Renesmee's name from a Mormon perspective, but I think what people fail to realize is that you have to look at Meyer's entire series from a Mormon perspective in order to fully appreciate what she's talking about.

I think that Bella and Edward represent eternal marriage as Mormons understand it--that at the end of this life, it's all about families and living together, and literally having a happily ever after. The fact that he's so controlling and she's so clueless is supposed to capture how EVERYONE is capable of that kind of happiness. And while Stephenie Meyer wasn't writing this primarily for a Mormon audience, I think our beliefs show through ENDLESSLY in her writing. And with Breaking Dawn, she channels these thoughts about eternal relationships through these two characters. But I don't think people realize that to have their relationship at the forefront of a novel being read by millions of people is pretty cavlier because talking in specifics about certain aspects of the afterlife isn't something that we do in the LDS church. To have her images, as a young LDS reader who won't know a lot of these specifics until after I'm married (because that's just how we do things), it's really helpful to have a book that talks about something that is so important to me in a way that is both creative, yet approachable.

I'm just saying that if The House on Mango Street (blech) can be praised for providing insight into the Hispanic community, I really think it's necessary to consider Meyer's writing for their insights into the LDS perspective.

[TadMack]

Leila, you know why I like you, right? It's not just the Dr. Who thing. It's that you will take a bullet for me.

Thanks for reading this so I won't ever.

[Leila]

You know what I really did like about the book? I liked that when Bella finally got vamped, her relationship with Edward seemed to become much more of a partnership. In the (wicked let down of a) big battle at the end, they stood side-by-side, ready to fight -- he didn't try to boss her or prevent her from participating or anything. So that was nice.

[Kathy]

that was so funny and thank you for the link to cleolinda - she was hilarious!

[beth]

Exactly what Ted Mack said.

[Sarah Rettger]

Sarah M. and TadMack beat me to it - between you and Jackie, I know all I need to about this one.

[Gail Gauthier]

Did you notice that when she got vamped it wasn't murder or suicide? The author avoided those scenarios.

Your play by play? tres funny. and also? i love these books, even though i did find bellla very, well whiney but also was it just me or did it feel, lacking? books aren't supposed read like the author is under a deadline, there was NO PLOT HARDLY! she has a baby faces an almost disaster, then lives happily ever after. wheres the part where i waited a year for the bloody book to come out, what was the point in the ummm anticipation? oh i dunno it just seemed to... like i said lacking and now that i'm done my utterly ridiculous spiel, i'm probably just going to go and read it again in another month just because the books are so freaking readable you know? anyways loved your play by play!

[Grace]

This play by play is hysterical. I'm in the middle of listening to the book right now and Renesmee was just born. I was telling a friend of mine that was the name and she said it sounds like an air freshner - Renuzit. I totally agree that it needed some heavy editing, although I'm liking Jacob more in this book than the others. Bella and Edward are, frankly, laughable.

[Anisah]

This was really funny and I was also laughing about the whole renesmee thing. Although I've read this, I'm still curios to see whether or not the book is as lame as you think it is. Does anyone know where I can read the book online ( preferably no downloading)????

[Sandy]

I am so incredibly sad now. I have been reading your site for like the past week (I just discovered it) and I was so happy to actually find someone who wrote real life reviews (not that crap the press writes). The Twilight series was absolutely amazing and after about 3 years of off an on reading, barely getting through 10 books, it made me actually start reading again. It got me interested in stories and writing and feeling for charactors (because Bella and Edward rock, and Jacob is a prat). Now I feel like I cannot trust anything you have to say anymore because you dislike my favorite series of books since, well ever. I am so disappointed in you.