Hunted: House of Night, #5 -- P.C. & Kristin Cast

Dear Zoey,

First of all, thank you.  Thank you for using the very little self control you possess to keep yourself from yet again using that terrible line about poor Pamela Anderson.  Unfortunately, using your self control there apparently disallowed you from using it anywhere else.  There are spoilers in this letter, so you probably shouldn't let any of your friends read it -- I know they all lived through the events I might mention, but I also know that you lurrrve repeating yourself, so I don't want to spoil your fun.

Okay, let's talk about your self control, shall we?  So.  At the end of Book Four, Loren Blake = dead.  There's one boyfriend down.  Your imprint with Heath?  Gone, due to doing the do with Loren Blake.  Your relationship with Erik?  Down the tubes, also due to the Loren Blake thing.  (Or Loren Blake's thing, ha ha.  Oh, god, I'm starting to sound like you.  And I'm annoyingly repeating things that we both know, so I'm really starting to sound like you.  Moving on.)

So really, by the end of the last book, your love life -- which you complained about incessantly -- was quite a bit less complicated.  So what did you do in Hunted, like, immediately?  Let's think about this for a bit.  Need a hint?  Yep.  I see the look on your face.  You know where I'm going with this, but you need to hear it anyway: 

You realized that you totally have the hots for Kalona, the evil fallen angel, and you think that maybe he might not be so bad after all.  And, shocker of shocks, he totally has the hots for YOU!  (Because every male in your vicinity can't help but have the hots for you, unless they happen to be happily gay.)  And then you get back together with Erik Night!  And re-Imprint with Heath!  And start making out with Stark!  And calling yourself a ho again!  Everything is back to normal, even though Grandma's in a coma and the Raven Mockers are everywhere and the End of the World is Nigh!  WHEEEEE!!!

My advice on the romance front?  Ditch Erik Night immediately.  First of all, he's boring.  The tip-off?  You always describe him as being a Clark Kent/Superman type.  Let me clue you in:  Clark Kent and Superman are powerful, sure.  POWERFULLY LAME.  And he got so sketchily possessive that I really thought he was being... erm... possessed... by Kalona, but apparently that was all him.  So ditch him.  He's a jackass.  Same goes for Heath, but more because he's annoying and talks like an idiot.  (Then again, maybe you guys do have a lot in common...)  Kalona?  Seriously?  Do I have to explain myself here?  And Stark.  Stark's the only one that I actually like.  So you shouldn't go out with him either.  Because he deserves better.

Zoey, I've been much more long-winded about this than I meant to be, which may weaken my argument.  So, to be brief:  So very little happened in Hunted that it could have been told in seventy-five pages TOTAL if you hadn't treated your readers like they all have some horrible combination of terrible ADD and extremely serious short-term memory loss.

Please refrain from using the line "Life isn't a book!" ever again.  You are not, by far, the only person guilty of using it, but it needs to go away for a very, very long time. 

Lastly, next time, please don't hog the spotlight.  Aphrodite and Stevie Rae are much more interesting than you, and they hardly got any screen time at all. 

Sincerely,

Leila

___________________________________________________________

Previously:

1.  Marked
3.  Chosen
4.  Untamed

Comments

[Alice]

You're so fierce! Like that guy Christian from Project Runway. Ug! Beautifully put. I could not have said it better. I agree with you 100%. Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad I'm not the only one. When I see magazines and reviews on this book and the last one, Untamed, my mind boggles.

[Ellie]

I'm really annoyed with these books!! Nothing new happens!! I mean the thing with HEATH!!! What is with that?? That really annoys me, how Zoey gets into these situations, but she refuses to really do anything to change the outcome. At the end of the last book Heath said he'd leave her alone and by going on what you just said (that she re-imprinted with him) he clearly didn't!
It's like they've lost ideas for this book and so have to go back to what has already happened just to keep the book alive! I'm just glad that it's not just me who can see the repetition or the annoying fact that Zoey just can't keep the promises she makes. Or stay faithful to the people she's supposed to be going out with i.e. Erik!!

[Audrey]

You made a very good point. Heath prolly is the best choice for her and her stupidity. Erik is just scary, and Stark is FAR out of her league.

I do believe everyone who has read and reviewed this book and the others has said it as well, maybe all of us repeating it will get the point across...prolly not. Stop repeating and move on with the story!

[cc]

Seriously, you have to stop reading these books.

[bree]

I have a question... why do you keep reading them?? Seriously, you're too cool for these lame ass books

[Laura]

This is a great review, I just wrote a scathing one on my blog... it was BAD!

[Claire O'Toole]

Similar to Twilight but wayyyyyyyyyy more funnier!!!!

[Sasha Jones]

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED your review!!!!! It made my day. Heck, it made my week. I actually laughed out loud while reading it!

It should be printed on the inside cover of "Marked" so that unsuspecting book buyers like me aren't sucked into wasting hard earned cash and precious time on this cringe worthy dreck!!

[Courtney]

lol, this (your review) made me laugh. ok, i mean in the first chapter it's like 'hello captain obviose'. cause she says for the millionth time how long shes been there and tells us once again who the horse is. Although i dont get why all guy's think shes hot, i mean Seriously? and if she doesnt want to be a "ho" then maybe she should have more self control. (sorry my comments so long, and i seriously Love your review)

[Courtney]

ha sorry the first part if my other comment was went for "untamed"

[Lover of this series!]

You people are JERKS! That review was HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! I love that series SO much! I think the story line is good and everything! Your just trying to make people laugh. Well, I'm NOT laughing. So shut UP! I was looking on the internet to try and read this book online and I found this sorry thing of a "review". You even wrote it to "zoey" Im in 6th grade and I know zoey doesn't eggzist. I could write a better review on this book. All my friends LOVE this series! If you hate this series your a freakin' douche bag!!!!!!!!!!!